Birds Do It. Bees Do It. You Can Do It Too:
A Primer on Love and Dating

If only you could just wave a magic wand and the love of your life would suddenly appear! In matters of the heart, unfortunately, it’s usually not that simple.

Relationship expert John Gray, PhD, likens finding the right mate to hitting the center of a target in archery. “Some people may hit the center right away, but most do not,” he says, adding, that “To aim and hit the center takes a lot of practice.”

Not to mention social skills. MS or no MS, it takes time and patience to develop these skills. While there is no set-in-stone method to find—and sustain—a loving relationship, there are ways to get off to a good start.

Learn From Your Past

Pay attention to what worked and didn’t work about your prior romances. How you ended one relationship has a huge impact on whether or not your next relationship will succeed. After bad breakups, people are often shut down and angry, but then repeat their past experiences. If you can keep an open heart, you’re much more likely to be attracted to, and even fall in love with, your potential soul mate.

It also helps if you’re realistic. If your goal is a long-term relationship, look for qualities that will matter in the long run, like a loving heart and a dependable nature, rather than less substantial attributes like looks and money.

A Brief Chemistry Lesson

When you meet someone new, you usually feel it in your bones: you’re either turned on or you’re not. In short, it’s all about chemistry. There are four kinds of chemistry associated with romantic partnerships: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. It’s physical chemistry that brings about desire. Emotional chemistry leads to affection. Mental chemistry spurs interest. And spiritual chemistry creates love. When all of these chemistries magically align, you have most probably found your soul mate.

Soul Patrol

So you think you’re ready to meet this alleged soul mate. Not so fast. It may seem counter-intuitive, but the best way to find this person is to give up searching for him or her. The first step is to do work on feeling good about yourself. If you’re on the rebound, it’s easy to feel needy and look for another person to fulfill you. By finding ways to fulfill yourself instead, you’ll be more ready to be a true partner. And to find one as well.